And here we are, it's taken longer than I thought it would but this is it, the finale of my initial set of testimonies, I've only known Jordan for a short time but in that time he's made an big impact, I strive everyday to have the heart for people he seems to have so effortlessly. Jordan's an amazing man of God and I think you'll agree once you've heard his story. (A slight warning, it's pretty long, if you don't have the time, save it for later.)
In high school I attended a youth group, absolutely nothing like what Jesse attends, Revolution is an incredible ministry with an even more incredible vision. It fires me up to see teens getting equipped to head out into the big world with a dream and a vision already instilled in their hearts. Anyway, while I was in this youth group in high school I never had a relationship with God, or the eager want to have one. I just kind of went because it gave me an excuse to hang out with my friends and the food was good. Well, I graduated high school and since I did absolutely horrible, I thought at the time the only useful thing I could do with my life was join the military, because I didn't think I was good enough for college. So on August 2nd of 2005, I shipped out for Navy boot camp. I decided to follow the footsteps of my father and become a mechanic on submarines. Boot Camp was 9 weeks long and probably one of the most incredible times of my life.
Lets fast forward 2 years when things got really bad. I was now on the submarine and I had received what's called your Dauphins (or fish). You are awarded them when you complete a rigorous qualification that requires you to learn every aspect of the submarine up and down. All the systems, their purposes, and how they relate to all the other systems on the boat. Well, When you are qualifying for them you are treated like absolute crap, you are called a NUB (non-useful body) and there was a lot of physical beating that went on in that process. You are not allowed to enjoy in the day to day enjoyments like TV, movies, and you have to sacrifice a lot of your sleep and devote to a lot of studying and qualifying. Well for that time I was qualifying for my Dauphins they told me, "Things get better when you get your fish, you're treated like part of the crew then." Well I finally got my fish, I was overjoyed. My dad came down to see me get them, and he actually pinned them on my dress blues. Well, I partook in some of the post qualifying rituals, which entailed more or less getting completely drunk. I was so excited for the next day, I walked on the submarine for once with my head held high, I did it, I'm part of the crew things are going to be great. I walk past the Gate Sentry make my walk to the submarine did my usual smoke a cigarette before I went below decks, saluted the Petty Officer of the Deck, walked across the brow, proceeded down the weapon shipping hatch, down into the machinery room where all the A-gangers hung out (I was an A-ganger) and to my amazement I was treated exactly the same...Nothing had changed. I stayed positive though, oh it's only my first day with my fish, people don't notice yet (yeah they can't notice the shiny metal gleaming off my dirty grease covered uniform...that tends to happen when you're a mechanic) So a week went by and still nothing had changed. At that time we went on deployment, so we went underway, you could say if we were a sailboat, set sail. So we were gone, ready to do what a submarine does. It started off slow, but eventually you go numb to time and it speeds up.
Finally, we were half way done, and I was going insane, I hated the way I was treated, I hated the disrespect the severe tongue lashings, the physical beatings. One of the guys on the boat actually put me in a choke hold so strong that he snapped my neck and I was briefly paralyzed, I remember coming to on the work bench propped up against the tool box. Needless to say, things got worse, not better. Finally, we were done with deployment, I opted to take leave as soon as I could because I wanted to be off of that submarine. I didn't want to see anybody, and I didn't want to talk to anybody. Unfortunately, leave ended and I had to go back, things kept getting worse. I slowly started to turn more and more to alcohol to put me at ease and drown the pain of the horrible life I was living. I began to get angry, I got to the point where I loved to be angry, it was a high for me, I would go into these panic attacks and just break stuff, get drunk and break stuff, I loved the feeling, it was the only thing I could find that helped me with the struggle. Eventually the alcohol stopped working for me and I turned to drugs. I became turned on to Hallucinogens, it offered me that escape from reality. So I tried LSD (Acid) It was great...at first. Everything was just vibrant, all the colors meshed together, the world seemed happier...then it got bad, all my friends turned to zombies, I became incredibly paranoid, I was pacing trying to get away from my friends. Pictures on the wall were staring at me, giving me creepy, and disturbing looks, and I got scared. The worst part, was there was no way I could control it, I couldn't make it stop, it went on for hours, I didn't know what to do, finally I fell asleep.
As time progressed nothing got better, just worse. So one day we were in dry dock at the time and I was standing Petty Officer of the Deck, I was on top of the submarine. Being that we were in dry dock the submarine was suspended in the air, and it was a pretty far drop from where I stood. I was at wits end with my life and the Navy. I sent an incredibly mean letter to my chain of command called, "Past point break, ready to self destruct" they talked to me afterwards and tried to calm me down but it didn't work. So while I was standing Petty Officer of the Deck I was staring down at the pavement from up high building the courage to jump, I was fed up. I figured, If I cracked my head off the JLG lift (cherry picker) that was hoisted up in the air it would knock me unconscious so I wouldn't feel it when I hit the pavement. I built up enough courage to jump and I was ready, I leaned back and as soon as I was ready to leap a chief smacked me in the back and told me stand a professional watch. I snapped out of it and just a reaction said, "Aye Aye Chief"
At that moment I realized I needed help, so without permission I walked over to the squadron building and requested to speak to the chaplain, I knew she could help me. She was so nice, I wish I could of stayed in her office, she was the only one who cared for me, she was the only one who was willing to help me. She told me I had to make a phone call, so I did, I had no choice but to tell the person on the phone about my suicidal intentions, at that point I put the Navy base on red alert because I was considered unstable. She was required to walk back with me to the submarine where I was stationed, and, of course, there was a hardcore butt chewing when I got back, because she said she needed to talk to the Chief of the Boat (COB). I guess she had spoken to him about my problems, and he chewed me out like it was all a front, the reason I wanted to talk to her was because I wanted out of the Navy (Yes, I did in fact, want out of the Navy at that point, I wanted nothing to do with any of those people but I also wanted help because there was something wrong with me) The COB told me I had 3 choices run away, claim I'm insane, or be a man and suck it up. I told him I would run away, he asked me what I would do when I ran away, I'd be eating out of dumpsters for the rest of my life. He had a few other things to say to me, and pretty much given up all hope on me, and wrote me off as a terrible person. I told him I would much rather eat out of dumpsters then serve one more day on that submarine. I went back to my barracks and devised a plan to run away, I found a website that helped with AWOL soldiers and sailors. Reminded of the penalty of being AWOL, I decided it was best I went back to the boat.
A couple weeks later, I was standing Petty Officer of the Deck again, and we were done with dry dock. It was mid afternoon on a Saturday I believe and I'm standing at a professional watch station. I managed to tear a long strand of fiber from duck tape, kind of like unraveling a cloth. Now I have this incredibly long string probably the length of a football field all throughout my guard shack and I need to find something to do with it. So I began to wrap it around the guard shack. The EDMC (Engineering Duty Master Chief) in other words and enlisted man of high rank saw me wrapping this string around the guard shack and said, "Petty Officer Tallon what are you doing" I said "Nothing" and continued to wrap the tape. He said again, "Petty Officer Tallon I said what are you doing." And again in a little bit more hostile of a voice I said, "I said NOTHING" So he looked at me and said one last time, "Petty Officer Tallon I said what are you doing." Now I was angry so I said, "What does it look like I'm doing!" He was furious at this point, called down to have me relieved, and immediately begun to chew me out. I, of course, was written up and charged with Article 92 of the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) that is failure to obey a lawful order, failure to obey a direct order, and failure to obey an order from the Captain. Now, on every counseling sheet I have to write how I intend to correct the issue and I wrote, "I do not believe there is anyway to correct this issue, this has been a slowly digressing situation, the only way I believe to correct this issue is to leave the Navy. A term used in the navy is "gone and I don't care anymore," Well I had to go to Captains Mast for that, which is like court only there's no debating just the captain and other high ranking individuals telling you how big of a screw up you are. The captain awarded me with Reduction in Rate, Half a months Pay Times 2, CCU (Confined Correctional Unit) for 30 in Norfolk, VA. after that my Liberty rights would be taken away, my civilian clothes would be taken away, and everything I would do would have to be given permission by the captain. I was outraged. CCU was for criminals, I was not a criminal. The Doc pulled me aside and talked to me afterwards and asked me if I would be willing to sign a no suicide contract, I told him no. Immediately being a liability to the Submarine and because it was rules I had to be rushed to squadron medical to be seen by the squadron shrink. He wasn't in so I was then rushed to the base Mental Health Clinic to be seen by the Doc there. I will never forget that man. We talked for a couple of hours and I told him about me and he told me the best thing for me was to leave the Navy, so he started on the paperwork for my discharge.
Things were looking up at that point, I felt good, I thought that leaving the Navy would make things better. Well, long story short, I never went to CCU, the captain at mental health ward pretty much called out my captain and said that it was an incredibly stupid idea for someone unstable like me. So the next day I was kicked off of the Submarine and put into T-Div (Transient Division) It's like the chain gang of the military. You're escorted by cops everywhere, and you have to do a lot of janitorial things. It was crappy, mind numbing work, but it was so much better then being on the boat. A month went by, and finally my number was pulled to leave the Navy, I was so excited I was sitting in my room waiting for the movers to come and move my stuff, they were 10 minutes away, the phone rang. I looked at the number, and thought to myself, why does that number look so familiar. I picked it up, "Tallon, you need to report to the Master at Arms office immediately, cancel your move, your not leaving today" I was crushed. That was probably the worst walk back to lower base I ever experienced, I get down there and I was told to hop in the police car. They escort me to NCIS headquarters. See before I go any further let me mention that it was a Monday, when I went to NCIS that previous Friday, 2 of my friends were arrested, and I had this awful feeling in my gut about it. So, I'm sitting in the NCIS building waiting for... I had no idea, I was honestly clueless to what was about to happen. An agent came out to to talk to me, and he put me in a little room with a camera and a height chart, and the interrogation began. They were accusing me of so much stuff I had nothing to do with. I thought I could fight the system on my own, so I opted to not get a lawyer, stupid idea on my part. 3 hours went by of constant yelling, arguing, almost crying, and finally he said. That's it we know what you did, we are going to spinal tap you to find out. Out of fear I said, fine I'll talk, "I dropped acid a couple of months ago" My friends stayed in the brig and I stayed in the Navy. I was supposed to get out 2 days after that incident, but because of that, they had to redo my discharge. I was supposed to get an honorable, but because drugs were involved it became an other than honorable, 2 steps above dishonorable. So I was stuck in the Navy for another month, furious, I thought to myself. Man my friends are so lucky their in the brig, they ratted on me. If they weren't in the brig I would kill them.
That month felt like an eternity, I was more than ready to leave, finally, it was time to go. My family came up to pick me up. It was hard to look them in the eye. My mom was in tears because of how I looked. I was pale, severely malnourished from lack of eating, I had absolutely no meat on my bones. Through all of that mess, with the getting kicked off the boat, getting busted with drugs, and everything I lost about 10 pounds, and if you know me 10 pounds is a lot, and I just looked sickly. I was on my way home, I was so happy. I was free, but I was still a mess on the inside, it was sunny that day and warm. I was discharged June 12th 2008. A month went by and it was the 4th of July. My cousin Danille Gilchrist and her friend Melissa Davidson were at our annual 4th of July family picnic. I decided to go. I'm glad I did, she told me of this awesome place called 19north. She said they have a band there that plays every week, and just awesome people. She told me it was a youth group and I was familiar with youth groups. Being that it's me, and I'm up for anything I decided to go, she gave me a ride out. It was July 5th. I absolutely loved it. The music was great, the atmosphere was great, and I honestly can't remember what was preached that night by Zack. But something happened that I will never forget, I was standing there staring up at Zack and I felt a million miles away, his voice became quiet my surroundings started to get blurry and I began to focus on a little part of the wall and something happened inside of my heart that up until that point never happened before. I heard these 3 little words that today still make me tear up, but the Lord said to me, "I love you," I decided at that point to dedicate myself to the Lord.
Sure enough man the drugs were gone, the alcohol was gone, the depression was gone. I've had a smile on my face ever since, I have a reason to live. Every breath is a blessing, every day I live out of joy, every step I make is a step in the right direction. No more was I taking 1 step forward and 3 steps back. The cigarettes finally, after a while, were gone too, that habit was hard to break, but I did it. Life is just such a blessing, I have incredible friends, ones who love me and care about me. I play guitar for 19 North now. Man the kid who was told would never amount to nothing now owns his own online business, and is an entrepreneur. The kid who attempted suicide is jumping for joy, filling others with joy and hope, the kid who had the drug problem is helping others overcome their drug problem. It's not because I'm great, it's because God is great, and the redemptive work that Jesus did on the cross is great. It's through his love and mercy that I'm able to be doing the things I'm doing today, it's through his grace that I didn't jump from the submarine 2 years ago, and it's through my faith that I'm able to accomplish these incredible tasks that God has set before me. Not only to better myself, but to better all of humanity, 1 person at a time. There are 2 bible verses that I hold near and dear to my heart and they are, 1st Peter 5:10 "And after some suffering the God of all Grace who calls you into eternal Glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will restore you and make you firm, strong, and steadfast." Well, my suffering was over, and so is yours! And Isaiah 6:6-8 "And one of the Seraphim flew to me with live coal in their hand, which he had taken with tongs from the alter. With it he touched my mouth and said, 'See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is washed away, and your sin atoned for.' Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for Us?' And I said, 'Here am I! Send Me!'" Jesus has made us right with God, we no longer live under the curse of the law. Our guilt is washed, and our sin atoned for. We are free, man are we free. Now get ready to be used by God in such a way that you will greatly impact the world in such an amazing way! Let his light shine, and let his people shout for joy. Now is a time to rejoice, sing, and be glad. Good things are in store, and were not even on the verge of starting!
Wow...that's certainly a powerful testimony, it's amazing that we live in the presence of a God who loves us and cares for us, no matter the circumstances. God loves us all the same, he doesn't care what you've done, you're his child and he loves you. Hopefully, this series has shown you the power of your testimony, that's right not everybody else's, yours. Your testimony, no matter how seemingly insignificant could impact someone's life greatly, never shy away from telling your story! God gave it to you for a reason! Let me encourage all of you who read this with blogs, if you haven't shared your testimony, do it. Nothing speaks of God's love for us more than your own personal story.
