Mastering the Silence

Recently I finished the book "Mastering the Silence" by Doug Jones. For awhile I was contemplating whether or not I should do a review of the book as I wasn't sure I wanted to review a book that I consider a learning experience. I eventually decided to not review the book but rather comment on what it taught me. Keep in mind that I will only be scratching the surface the book itself goes much deeper.

As the blurb on the front cover suggests, "Mastering the Silence" focuses on helping you win the battles you face in your mind. What so many of us don't realize is that everyday we're plagued with attacks from our enemy and his primary method of attack is our mind. Luckily, we have been given all the power we need to fight back.

First, we need to understand how our enemy attacks. We can learn from the examples of Eve, David and others that Satan himself attacks with thoughts, ideas, and suggestions. It seems too simple at first but makes complete sense upon further observation. He attacks us when we our most vulnerable, when we're working hard and need rest he suggests we put the work off. Simple suggestions that don't seem bad but have consequences, such as more work later. Even more drastic things such as making a man believe his wife no longer believes him by things she said being taken in a completely different context.

But how do we defend ourselves against these attacks? Simple by taking every thought, idea, and suggestion and making sure it fits in with God's Word. While it's a process and can be tough to do at times it is worth it to be able to always keep our minds pure and win the battles inside them. I guarantee if you do this process for just two weeks you'll see a difference in your life.

As I mentioned above I merely scratched the surface, there is much more to this than I can hope to cover in one post and I encourage you to buy the book.

Other nuggets from the book

• Thought always precedes action.
• The more we know, the more victory we can enjoy.
• Wisdom learns from the mistakes of others.
• The lifespan of a thought is determined by the amount of attention it receives.
• Learn how thoughts take you captive and you can take thoughts captive.

Love You

God loves you. As Christians we hear that statement often, in fact, we might even say it to people. But do you believe that applies to you too? See, it's easy to say "God loves you" the tough part is saying "God loves me." It's easy for us to believe that God loves that other person but when we think about ourselves we can get into the dangerous habit of believing we are unlovable. God doesn't believe that, and neither should you!

1 John 4:9 (NLT)

⁹ God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.

God loves you so much he sacrificed his son! If that's not love then nothing is! How can we even think he doesn't love every one of us! God loves us, but most importantly he loves me. We have to accept that he loves us before we can tell people that he loves them.

When we accept the truth of God's love we must come to the understanding of it. His love never runs out, he loves us all equally. He doesn't love Jimmy because Jimmy praises better or has a better family. That doesn't matter to God all that matters to him is that you know his love. A love so strong that he gave us his son. A love so strong that, if you put your faith behind it, nothing can stop you! A love strong enough to cover every sin, no matter how bad. A love worth living for. God wants to share that love with you. A love so bold that his son died for it. I promise that if you give into the love that is love, you're life will never be the same from this point. Because God loves you, and we return that love by loving ourselves.

Impact

Recently, I had the awesome opportunity to attend my 4th summer camp, Impact. To say I knew exactly what God had in store would be a lie (who really does anyway?) But as I looked back God showed me that the biggest changes I made in my life were almost always at camp.

It was at camp that I dedicated my life solely to God. It was at camp that I learned of my calling to be a pastor. It was at camp that I got filled with the Holy Spirit. It's obvious that camp has had a big impact (no pun intended) on my life.

This year was no different in that sense. The biggest thing to happen to me at camp this year was definitely getting baptised. I'm really surprised it took me so long, and honestly, I didn't feel any different initially. But the moment we got into worship that evening I felt more in touch with God than I ever had before. Since returning from camp I've been feeling more and more of the spirit inside me leading me as well.

God also really challenged me to castaway all the other secondary things in life and focus on him primarily. What we need to know the most is that God and his will are to be first and foremost in our lives. EVERYTHING ELSE should come second to that. That means putting down the controller or the remote and spending time with him.

Overall, God continued the tradition of changing my life at camp and setting me ablaze for the year to come!

Being a Doer

Recently my church held their annual Impartation conference, with Doug Jones and Keith Moore coming to speak with us from Saturday-Wednesday. To say it was an awesome experience would be understating it. I had come expecting great things and God gave me that and more!

I've heard some of the awesome things that God did in other people's lives during Impartation, but for me, it wasn't about what God did, it was what he promised. For the past couple months I had been content on living  a modest life, not really concerned about being an example of Christ and doing what he's called and more with living life as I saw fit. Content to live life in my own little bubble.

Monday night that bubble was shattered. Monday night was Keith Moore's first night and he got my attention instantly with these words."Don't tell me what you believe, tell me what you've done, then I'll know what you believe."

Immediately I perked up. "He's talking to you..." my mind would tell me, and he was. (Of course he wasn't just talking to me but you get the point.) I then asked myself a very important question...what have I done?

The bible tells us to be doers of the Word. (James 1:22) To not just live our lives for ourselves but for Christ, who gave his life for our redemption. That means doing the work he's called us to do. And up until that night, I hadn't been, he had laid on my heart for a long time to wise up and start being an example for him and for whatever reason, I neglected to do it.

God has given us the promise that if we follow him we will live a life free from the hold of sin, free from death, that nothing can ever hope to hold us back because the God that created the stars is with us! Looking at it now, I don't know what I was so afraid of.

I've come to the conclusion that if we truly want to make a difference in this world, we must be doers, our actions, more than anything, speak the message of Christ. "Tell me what you've done, then I'll know what you believe." Every action we make speaks to who we are. Be a doer, and you won't believe what God does through you!

"Reason to Live" Jordan Tallon

And here we are, it's taken longer than I thought it would but this is it, the finale of my initial set of testimonies, I've only known Jordan for a short time but in that time he's made an big impact, I strive everyday to have the heart for people he seems to have so effortlessly. Jordan's an amazing man of God and I think you'll agree once you've heard his story. (A slight warning, it's pretty long, if you don't have the time, save it for later.)

In high school I attended a youth group, absolutely nothing like what Jesse attends, Revolution is an incredible ministry with an even more incredible vision. It fires me up to see teens getting equipped to head out into the big world with a dream and a vision already instilled in their hearts. Anyway, while I was in this youth group in high school I never had a relationship with God, or the eager want to have one. I just kind of went because it gave me an excuse to hang out with my friends and the food was good. Well, I graduated high school and since I did absolutely horrible, I thought at the time the only useful thing I could do with my life was join the military, because I didn't think I was good enough for college. So on August 2nd of 2005, I shipped out for Navy boot camp. I decided to follow the footsteps of my father and become a mechanic on submarines. Boot Camp was 9 weeks long and probably one of the most incredible times of my life. 

     Lets fast forward 2 years when things got really bad. I was now on the submarine and I had received what's called your Dauphins (or fish). You are awarded them when you complete a rigorous qualification that requires you to learn every aspect of the submarine up and down. All the systems, their purposes, and how they relate to all the other systems on the boat. Well, When you are qualifying for them you are treated like absolute crap, you are called a NUB (non-useful body) and there was a lot of physical beating that went on in that process. You are not allowed to enjoy in the day to day enjoyments like TV, movies, and you have to sacrifice a lot of your sleep and devote to a lot of studying and qualifying. Well for that time I was qualifying for my Dauphins they told me, "Things get better when you get your fish, you're treated like part of the crew then." Well I finally got my fish, I was overjoyed. My dad came down to see me get them, and he actually pinned them on my dress blues. Well, I partook in some of the post qualifying rituals, which entailed more or less getting completely drunk. I was so excited for the next day, I walked on the submarine for once with my head held high, I did it, I'm part of the crew things are going to be great. I walk past the Gate Sentry make my walk to the submarine did my usual smoke a cigarette before I went below decks, saluted the Petty Officer of the Deck, walked across the brow, proceeded down the weapon shipping hatch, down into the machinery room where all the A-gangers hung out (I was an A-ganger) and to my amazement I was treated exactly the same...Nothing had changed. I stayed positive though, oh it's only my first day with my fish, people don't notice yet (yeah they can't notice the shiny metal gleaming off my dirty grease covered uniform...that tends to happen when you're a mechanic) So a week went by and still nothing had changed. At that time we went on deployment, so we went underway, you could say if we were a sailboat, set sail. So we were gone, ready to do what a submarine does. It started off slow, but eventually you go numb to time and it speeds up.

     Finally, we were half way done, and I was going insane, I hated the way I was treated, I hated the disrespect the severe tongue lashings, the physical beatings. One of the guys on the boat actually put me in a choke hold so strong that he snapped my neck and I was briefly paralyzed, I remember coming to on the work bench propped up against the tool box. Needless to say, things got worse, not better. Finally, we were done with deployment, I opted to take leave as soon as I could because I wanted to be off of that submarine. I didn't want to see anybody, and I didn't want to talk to anybody. Unfortunately, leave ended and I had to go back, things kept getting worse. I slowly started to turn more and more to alcohol to put me at ease and drown the pain of the horrible life I was living. I began to get angry, I got to the point where I loved to be angry, it was a high for me, I would go into these panic attacks and just break stuff, get drunk and break stuff, I loved the feeling, it was the only thing I could find that helped me with the struggle. Eventually the alcohol stopped working for me and I turned to drugs. I became turned on to Hallucinogens, it offered me that escape from reality. So I tried LSD (Acid) It was great...at first. Everything was just vibrant, all the colors meshed together, the world seemed happier...then it got bad, all my friends turned to zombies, I became incredibly paranoid, I was pacing trying to get away from my friends. Pictures on the wall were staring at me, giving me creepy, and disturbing looks, and I got scared. The worst part, was there was no way I could control it, I couldn't make it stop, it went on for hours, I didn't know what to do, finally I fell asleep. 

     As time progressed nothing got better, just worse. So one day we were in dry dock at the time and I was standing Petty Officer of the Deck, I was on top of the submarine. Being that we were in dry dock the submarine was suspended in the air, and it was a pretty far drop from where I stood. I was at wits end with my life and the Navy. I sent an incredibly mean letter to my chain of command called, "Past point break, ready to self destruct" they talked to me afterwards and tried to calm me down but it didn't work. So while I was standing Petty Officer of the Deck I was staring down at the pavement from up high building the courage to jump, I was fed up. I figured, If I cracked my head off the JLG lift (cherry picker) that was hoisted up in the air it would knock me unconscious so I wouldn't feel it when I hit the pavement. I built up enough courage to jump and I was ready, I leaned back and as soon as I was ready to leap a chief smacked me in the back and told me stand a professional watch. I snapped out of it and just a reaction said, "Aye Aye Chief"

     At that moment I realized I needed help, so without permission I walked over to the squadron building and requested to speak to the chaplain, I knew she could help me. She was so nice, I wish I could of stayed in her office, she was the only one who cared for me, she was the only one who was willing to help me. She told me I had to make a phone call, so I did, I had no choice but to tell the person on the phone about my suicidal intentions, at that point I put the Navy base on red alert because I was considered unstable. She was required to walk back with me to the submarine where I was stationed, and, of course, there was a hardcore butt chewing when I got back, because she said she needed to talk to the Chief of the Boat (COB). I guess she had spoken to him about my problems, and he chewed me out like it was all a front, the reason I wanted to talk to her was because I wanted out of the Navy (Yes, I did in fact, want out of the Navy at that point, I wanted nothing to do with any of those people but I also wanted help because there was something wrong with me) The COB told me I had 3 choices run away, claim I'm insane, or be a man and suck it up. I told him I would run away, he asked me what I would do when I ran away, I'd be eating out of dumpsters for the rest of my life. He had a few other things to say to me, and pretty much given up all hope on me, and wrote me off as a terrible person. I told him I would much rather eat out of dumpsters then serve one more day on that submarine. I went back to my barracks and devised a plan to run away, I found a website that helped with AWOL soldiers and sailors. Reminded of the penalty of being AWOL, I decided it was best I went back to the boat.

     A couple weeks later, I was standing Petty Officer of the Deck again, and we were done with dry dock. It was mid afternoon on a Saturday I believe and I'm standing at a professional watch station. I managed to tear a long strand of fiber from duck tape, kind of like unraveling a cloth. Now I have this incredibly long string probably the length of a football field all throughout my guard shack and I need to find something to do with it. So I began to wrap it around the guard shack. The EDMC (Engineering Duty Master Chief) in other words and enlisted man of high rank saw me wrapping this string around the guard shack and said, "Petty Officer Tallon what are you doing" I said "Nothing" and continued to wrap the tape. He said again, "Petty Officer Tallon I said what are you doing." And again in a little bit more hostile of a voice I said, "I said NOTHING" So he looked at me and said one last time, "Petty Officer Tallon I said what are you doing." Now I was angry so I said, "What does it look like I'm doing!" He was furious at this point, called down to have me relieved, and immediately begun to chew me out. I, of course, was written up and charged with Article 92 of the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) that is failure to obey a lawful order, failure to obey a direct order, and failure to obey an order from the Captain. Now, on every counseling sheet I have to write how I intend to correct the issue and I wrote, "I do not believe there is anyway to correct this issue, this has been a slowly digressing situation, the only way I believe to correct this issue is to leave the Navy. A term used in the navy is "gone and I don't care anymore," Well I had to go to Captains Mast for that, which is like court only there's no debating just the captain and other high ranking individuals telling you how big of a screw up you are. The captain awarded me with Reduction in Rate, Half a months Pay Times 2, CCU (Confined Correctional Unit) for 30 in Norfolk, VA. after that my Liberty rights would be taken away, my civilian clothes would be taken away, and everything I would do would have to be given permission by the captain. I was outraged. CCU was for criminals, I was not a criminal. The Doc pulled me aside and talked to me afterwards and asked me if I would be willing to sign a no suicide contract, I told him no. Immediately being a liability to the Submarine and because it was rules I had to be rushed to squadron medical to be seen by the squadron shrink. He wasn't in so I was then rushed to the base Mental Health Clinic to be seen by the Doc there. I will never forget that man. We talked for a couple of hours and I told him about me and he told me the best thing for me was to leave the Navy, so he started on the paperwork for my discharge.

     Things were looking up at that point, I felt good, I thought that leaving the Navy would make things better. Well, long story short, I never went to CCU, the captain at mental health ward pretty much called out my captain and said that it was an incredibly stupid idea for someone unstable like me. So the next day I was kicked off of the Submarine and put into T-Div (Transient Division) It's like the chain gang of the military. You're escorted by cops everywhere, and you have to do a lot of janitorial things. It was crappy, mind numbing work, but it was so much better then being on the boat. A month went by, and finally my number was pulled to leave the Navy, I was so excited I was sitting in my room waiting for the movers to come and move my stuff, they were 10 minutes away, the phone rang. I looked at the number, and thought to myself, why does that number look so familiar. I picked it up, "Tallon, you need to report to the Master at Arms office immediately, cancel your move, your not leaving today" I was crushed. That was probably the worst walk back to lower base I ever experienced, I get down there and I was told to hop in the police car. They escort me to NCIS headquarters. See before I go any further let me mention that it was a Monday, when I went to NCIS that previous Friday, 2 of my friends were arrested, and I had this awful feeling in my gut about it. So, I'm sitting in the NCIS building waiting for... I had no idea, I was honestly clueless to what was about to happen. An agent came out to to talk to me, and he put me in a little room with a camera and a height chart, and the interrogation began. They were accusing me of so much stuff I had nothing to do with. I thought I could fight the system on my own, so I opted to not get a lawyer, stupid idea on my part. 3 hours went by of constant yelling, arguing, almost crying, and finally he said. That's it we know what you did, we are going to spinal tap you to find out. Out of fear I said, fine I'll talk, "I dropped acid a couple of months ago" My friends stayed in the brig and I stayed in the Navy. I was supposed to get out 2 days after that incident, but because of that, they had to redo my discharge. I was supposed to get an honorable, but because drugs were involved it became an other than honorable, 2 steps above dishonorable. So I was stuck in the Navy for another month, furious, I thought to myself. Man my friends are so lucky their in the brig, they ratted on me. If they weren't in the brig I would kill them.

     That month felt like an eternity, I was more than ready to leave, finally, it was time to go. My family came up to pick me up. It was hard to look them in the eye. My mom was in tears because of how I looked. I was pale, severely malnourished from lack of eating, I had absolutely no meat on my bones. Through all of that mess, with the getting kicked off the boat, getting busted with drugs, and everything I lost about 10 pounds, and if you know me 10 pounds is a lot, and I just looked sickly. I was on my way home, I was so happy. I was free, but I was still a mess on the inside, it was sunny that day and warm. I was discharged June 12th 2008. A month went by and it was the 4th of July. My cousin Danille Gilchrist and her friend Melissa Davidson were at our annual 4th of July family picnic. I decided to go. I'm glad I did, she told me of this awesome place called 19north. She said they have a band there that plays every week, and just awesome people. She told me it was a youth group and I was familiar with youth groups. Being that it's me, and I'm up for anything I decided to go, she gave me a ride out. It was July 5th. I absolutely loved it. The music was great, the atmosphere was great, and I honestly can't remember what was preached that night by Zack. But something happened that I will never forget, I was standing there staring up at Zack and I felt a million miles away, his voice became quiet my surroundings started to get blurry and I began to focus on a little part of the wall and something happened inside of my heart that up until that point never happened before. I heard these 3 little words that today still make me tear up, but the Lord said to me, "I love you," I decided at that point to dedicate myself to the Lord. 

     Sure enough man the drugs were gone, the alcohol was gone, the depression was gone. I've had a smile on my face ever since, I have a reason to live. Every breath is a blessing, every day I live out of joy, every step I make is a step in the right direction. No more was I taking 1 step forward and 3 steps back. The cigarettes finally, after a while, were gone too, that habit was hard to break, but I did it. Life is just such a blessing, I have incredible friends, ones who love me and care about me. I play guitar for 19 North now. Man the kid who was told would never amount to nothing now owns his own online business, and is an entrepreneur. The kid who attempted suicide is jumping for joy, filling others with joy and hope, the kid who had the drug problem is helping others overcome their drug problem. It's not because I'm great, it's because God is great, and the redemptive work that Jesus did on the cross is great. It's through his love and mercy that I'm able to be doing the things I'm doing today, it's through his grace that I didn't jump from the submarine 2 years ago, and it's through my faith that I'm able to accomplish these incredible tasks that God has set before me. Not only to better myself, but to better all of humanity, 1 person at a time. There are 2 bible verses that I hold near and dear to my heart and they are, 1st Peter 5:10 "And after some suffering the God of all Grace who calls you into eternal Glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will restore you and make you firm, strong, and steadfast." Well, my suffering was over, and so is yours! And Isaiah 6:6-8 "And one of the Seraphim flew to me with live coal in their hand, which he had taken with tongs from the alter. With it he touched my mouth and said, 'See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is washed away, and your sin atoned for.' Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for Us?' And I said, 'Here am I! Send Me!'" Jesus has made us right with God, we no longer live under the curse of the law. Our guilt is washed, and our sin atoned for. We are free, man are we free. Now get ready to be used by God in such a way that you will greatly impact the world in such an amazing way! Let his light shine, and let his people shout for joy. Now is a time to rejoice, sing, and be glad. Good things are in store, and were not even on the verge of starting! 

Wow...that's certainly a powerful testimony, it's amazing that we live in the presence of a God who loves us and cares for us, no matter the circumstances. God loves us all the same, he doesn't care what you've done, you're his child and he loves you. Hopefully, this series has shown you the power of your testimony, that's right not everybody else's, yours. Your testimony, no matter how seemingly insignificant could impact someone's life greatly, never shy away from telling your story! God gave it to you for a reason! Let me encourage all of you who read this with blogs, if you haven't shared your testimony, do it. Nothing speaks of God's love for us more than your own personal story.

"Living with Purpose" Andy Caffro

 It's been awhile since the last post, 2 months to be exact. The wait was unexpected but necessary. There is currently no better time to share these testimonies than now, when my youth group is doing it's own series on the same thing. On that note, let's get into it. For those who don't know him Andy is one of the brightest people I know. (Seriously the guy knows more about science and math than half the people who teach it!) But eventually all of his smarts couldn't help him sort out life. But, I'll let Andy explain it too you.

    When I was asked to write my testimony for a blog post, I accepted with mixed feelings.  Unlike many testimonies, mine doesn’t involve a full-fledged decline into sin or a dramatic turnaround upon receiving Jesus.  I wondered if anyone could benefit from such a story, but God quickly showed me that this type of thinking was foolish.  My testimony involves a broken, miserable, purposeless young man who chose to follow Jesus and saw his life fully restored.  I struggled with numerous internal issues that are often left out of people’s testimonies – yet so many individuals can relate to these problems.  My hope is that this story reveals God’s immeasurable love and His ability to repair anything, no matter how badly broken.
    I was born in August of 1990, the only child of an electrician/Navy veteran and an elementary schoolteacher.  At age four, we moved from Ohio to Pennsylvania and have lived in the same municipality ever since.  My early childhood was filled with good memories – I played sports, was involved in scouting, and attended church with my mom.  She had been a Christian for many years and encouraged me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior at the age of five.  I was Spirit-filled at a church camp years later, but I rarely prayed in tongues and failed to use the gift the way I should have.
   When I was in 3^rd grade, crews working to widen our road accidentally struck a pipeline, and our house exploded.  You can’t make this stuff up!  By the grace of God, my mom and I missed being home when it happened by ten minutes.  Although we lost everything, no one was injured or killed.  We were able to get an apartment quickly, and our insurance company paid for a bigger, nicer residence.  My parents picked the design themselves and had it built right where the original house stood.  Countless people – many of whom we didn’t even know – reached out to help us with gifts and support.  Before we knew it, we had gained back everything we lost and more.  God provided for us in every imaginable way.
   Around that time, my mom’s friend invited us to a church called Victory Christian Fellowship, located in Cranberry Township.  My mom convinced my dad, who was not a Christian at the time, to come along.  After attending one service, we knew that this was our new church home.  On the surface, my life seemed to be improving – my father had accepted Jesus and nothing in my circumstances appeared drastically wrong.  On the inside, however, trouble was brewing.
   Insecurities began to plague me – I longed for acceptance and did anything I could to win the approval of my peers.  I was consumed by worry, fear, and feelings of inadequacy.  I began to doubt my faith and allowed myself to feed on anything the world had to offer. At the time, I didn’t understand why I felt the way I did.  Now I know that my struggles were the product of a Christian walk that was lukewarm at best.  Despite a loving Christian family and regular attendance at Victory, I honestly had no interest in God and thought that I could manage just fine on my own.  As I grew older and experienced more, my outlook on life became worse.
   Pessimism, cynicism, and hopelessness enveloped me.  Self-esteem was nonexistent.  I saw no reason to live and considered suicide several times in my early teens.  My unfortunate condition was nobody’s fault but my own, and only I truly knew what I was going through.  I allowed my heart to harden to the things of God, and no achievement, experience, or blessing could bring me satisfaction.
   By age fifteen, my mental state was best described as a confusing paradox.  I loathed myself, yet was filled with pride.  At school, I developed a reputation as a selfish, discontent, arrogant jerk.  I hurt so many people during those years that it pains me to think about it.  Luckily, I have found forgiveness in Christ and have learned to bury the past.
  Although I was lost, I still considered Jesus to be my savior in my early and mid-teens.  I knew that this life had a purpose, but I hadn’t found it yet.  As I began to move up the high school ladder and participate in new activities, reality slapped me in the face.  I realized that despite my misery, life had been easy so far compared to what I was now facing.  It took a heavy workload and lots of stress to make me realize that I couldn’t possibly succeed on my own.
   On December 24^th, 2007, halfway through my junior year, I decided to rededicate my life to Christ.  My transformation was not instant, but happened very gradually.  Interestingly enough, I actually began serving on the worship team and reading my Bible before making this decision – God was preparing me for great things before I even knew it!  I started taking notes during messages, praying in tongues, and making friends with believers who built me up instead of tearing me down.  For the first time in a long time, I experienced joy.  The issues that plagued my heart and mind were slowly but surely fading away.
   Toward the end of my junior year, God gave me a revelation of His love – something I had never fully understood.  All of a sudden, I had no desire to indulge in the sinful activities that I previously experimented with.  I finally found the fulfillment, purpose, acceptance, value, and peace that I longed for.  I still missed the mark numerous times in high school, but a transformation was occurring inside of me.  As I grew spiritually, God blessed my life abundantly and enabled me to do, see, experience, and accomplish far more than ever before.  I chose to take God up on His word, and He proved Himself faithful to me time and time again.
    I still have much to learn.  In the months since graduating high school, God has hijacked my life and provided incredible opportunities for spiritual growth.  He’s preparing me be used in new ways, to maximize my potential, and to achieve my dream for His glory and for the benefit of countless lives.  Jesus has taken the limits off – I walk in His freedom every day and rely on His grace to be the man I’m called to be.  Many of my teachers and classmates wouldn’t recognize me today.  But God is no respecter of persons – what He did for me, He’ll do for you because He loves you just the same.  Nothing you’ve ever done can keep you from Him.  Jesus wants an intimate relationship with you, and if you humble yourself and yield to Him, your life can be infinitely better than you ever thought possible.

Andy's story is what I believe many people go through today, living without a purpose. If you take anything from his story make it this, the only true purpose of life is to live for the one who gave it, God. Without him, we have nothing and can accomplish nothing. I have one more testimony I want to share before putting a cap on this series, but don't consider that the end, I'll always be accepting testimonies. If you'd like to share yours e-mail me at theSuperAlbino@gmail.com.

One Year Later/C.U.G?

We're taking a detour from the testimonies for a minute because today is an important day. A year ago today, I started this blog. To commemorate, I've changed the layout and some other stuff around the blog.  It's hard to believe it's been a year already, instead of going through last year, which I've already done, I've decided to take the time to look ahead.

Now, I can't predict the future but from what I see this year is going to be big, I mean HUGE! There's tons of stuff I'm working on, from videos to....other things that I can't really mention. There's no doubt that this is going to be my biggest, and busiest, year yet! Normally, I'd be worried, but what do we have to worry about when we have God?

In short, this year is going to be amazing. To prove it I have an announcement that will blow your socks off! (When you realize what it is.)
What is C.U.G?

Now, clearly there's a ton of questions and I can't really say much at the moment. What I can tell you is that I'm in charge of C.U.G and that your questions will be, hopefully, answered in the coming week. Until then, wrack your brains trying to figure out what the heck C.U.G means! (Hint: It's not Christmas United Germany.)

"Simple Start" Aaron Schmelzer

As I mentioned in previously, these next couple blog posts will have some guests come in and share their testimonies with us. The first of these guests is one of my best friends, one who's had a big impact on me, and while his testimony is simple, it's not without meaning.

My testimony started out pretty simple. I grew up in the church and when I was 5 I accepted Christ as my Savior but at that time it didn’t really mean much to me. So after I accepted Jesus I was just living life but not really growing at all in a personal relationship with God.

When I was 13 I went to a school where I just wanted to fit in and did some stupid stuff and allowed myself to become vulnerable to temptation. During that time I was disrespectful, I had troubles going on inside my head where most of my problems were, and I was living one life at church, one life at school, and another at home.

I left the school after 1 year and a month later I went to a church camp where God dealt with me, and on June 23^rd, 2008, I rededicated my life to God.

Now I have a great and blessed life (I still screw up but it’s still great). I am living a life for God and giving it my all to stay the course that He has planned for me. Because of God I have great friends, great mentors, and a heart that constantly desires more and more of God. 

There's something truly satisfying about reading that, I believe that the testimonies that have the most impact are the ones we can relate to, and I know we can all relate to the message in Aaron's. As always, if you have an interest in sharing your testimony on the blog you can e-mail me at theSuperAlbino@gmail.com

A Beautiful Mess

On October 23rd, 1992, two teenagers who made an extremely big mistake welcomed their child into the world. Naturally, that child was me. For the longest time I've been making excuses to keep myself from writing my Testimony, I suppose part of me doesn't want to think about all of it, and yet, here I am, writing it out. I'd like to say that I'm not writing this for myself and I'm just writing it for other people, but that's a lie. I'm defiantly writing this for all of you, so that you can read it and, hopefully, learn from it. But, this is also for me, if I continued to go through life without sharing my Testimony, I would become trapped by it. When you learn that the past doesn't hold you back, that you're free from it, writing your Testimony becomes very easy.

As I said above, I was born to two teenage kids who had no clue what they were getting into. They named me Jesse Allen Swanson, because it had a nice ring to it. I'm not exactly sure of the details, but my mother and father weren't exactly on speaking terms when I was born. My oldest memory is my 4th birthday party, my father came, unannounced I suppose, and gave me a birthday present, he hugged me, said he loved me and then left. The next memory of him I have is him calling me from prison, I didn't understand it at the time and I still have no clue what he did, but I remember him saying the same thing he always said, that he loved me. I remember that he would always talk about us getting together and hanging out and it never happened.

During this time, me and my mother were living with my grandparents, who were getting along about as well as my parents were. Unbeknownst to all of us, my grandfather was having an affair, this of course, didn't go over well. My grandparents divorced and my grandfather became yet another person I hardly ever saw.

It wasn't all bad, though. Me and my mom moved into our own apartment and I started making friends. Eventually, me and my mom moved into a house about 2 streets down. That's where I met John. Me and John became close, we were what you would call best friends. As we grew up, we got closer until eventually, I moved. There's nothing that destroys a friendship more than moving away. But me and John were determined. He would come stay at my house during breaks and I would go stay at his. As we grew up, John became a person for me to look up to, he always seemed to have the answers and, unlike me, was never bullied or picked on.

That's the thing right there, if you asked me what my main motivation was for all of the stuff I got into, it would be, because I wanted to be better. I wanted to be cooler than what I was, I didn't want to be Jesse Allen Swanson. I wanted to be someone different, someone, in my opinion, better than me.

If someone tells you bullying doesn't affect a child, they are lying. At my new school I was constantly bullied, and why wouldn't I be, I was prime pickings for the bullies. I had buzz-cut hair (Yes, a buzz-cut), glasses, and a weird sense of humor, they couldn't NOT pick on me. But I wasn't confident enough to take it on the cheek and laugh, I always took it personally, still do sometimes. My only escape, was when I was with John. John never torn me down, he always built me up.

As we entered our early teens me and John got involved with drinking and drugs. John did it to emulate his brothers, I did it to emulate John. I remember the first time I drank, it was during New Years, I hated it, but because John did it, I had to. I began to seek that life at home, hanging out with people who did the same things. 

The bullying didn't stop, even though I was doing all the "cool" things. I decided that it didn't matter what I did, I would always be "uncool." I started hating myself, hating that I couldn't be like John, that I couldn't be cool. It got so bad that I would go to sleep crying, begging, to be someone else. To wake up and be someone different. I also started acting out, trying to bring attention to myself, I became branded as "The kid who would do anything for a laugh." Eventually, my behavior got me suspended from school.

My grandmother, seeing the path I was heading down, had us all go to church one Sunday, that church of course, was Victory. When I think about moments like this, I can't help but think of God, looking down and laughing with joy at the beautiful moment he created, at his child who's life has just changed irrevocably. So, needless to say, I gave my life to Christ that day and although it took awhile, God set me above all the drugs, alcohol, and self-pity. I had found the best thing in the world, Jesus Christ.

I can't put into words how overjoyed I am that this is finally out in the open. Like a great weight has been lifted. If this Testimony conveys anything to you, let it be this. God always fixes our brokenness, we just need to ask him into our lives. I'm constantly in awe at what God has done in my life. In all of the mess, the wreckage that was my life, God saw something beautiful in there, something worth saving. He saw me. And if you're reading this, I want you to know, he cares about you just as much as he cares about me. He wants to make the mess of your life into something beautiful.

The next couple of blog posts are going to be various testimonies from other people and I hope they affect you like they affected me. Also, if you're interested in sharing your testimony send me an e-mail at theSuperAlbino@gmail.com